I'm Changing.

So, since all of these news articles have been published about me, I've had a ridiculous amount of hate.

"UGLY!", "Hideous!!", "weirdo", "Grow up", "Loser", "Sperficial Bitch, I bet she doesn't care about anyone but herself, no personality." "But she looks so ugly, nothing like barbie...", "She looks at least 40", "pointless".

They are just a SMALL handful of the comments about me. By the way, those photos were taken months ago and they're, without a doubt, some of the worst photos I have ever seen of me! There were nice photos too, so I don't know why they used all the worst ones. Anyway...

So, recently, I went to a wedding. The bride demanded that I wore 'natural makeup'. Of course, I tried. I actually did it... I went outside (to a wedding!) with natural makeup! I haven't done that for years!

And, you know what, I felt fine.

It, literally, felt like that scene from 'Shrek' where he's turned human. He goes out and is shocked to be treated like everyone else, so used to insults and pitchforks:

This was on the 19th of December.

Every time I go out, people actually stop walking to stare at me. They look disgusted. They treat me like a murderer or a pedophile. People spit at me. They point, they shout, they laugh. they ridicule. They ask me ridiculous questions. I was so used to this that I didn't question it. However, I experienced none of this on the 19th of December. On the 19th of December, I was an actual human being. 

So, today, I was checking my emails/comments/etc. They were flooded with horrible, and sometimes disturbing things. Even death threats/people hoping for me to die soon.

They seem to be under the false impression that I think I look beautiful. In case you didn't know, I hate the way I look (not my makeup, but me). I can't think of one part of me that I'm ok with. From my eyes, hair, even my toes. There isn't one part of me that I don't despise. People praise me for not having cosmetic surgery, but it's only because I can't afford to. If I could afford, I would change everything about myself. So these comments from others, pointing all of my flaws out, hurt a lot. People seem to think that if someone wears unique makeup/clothes it makes it ok to insult them.

So, today, I went for a walk. I thought back to the 19th of December - when I was a human being. I won't deny that I cried for a good part of the day. I was moping around, feeling sorry for myself. I considered ending everything:

- Selling all my things

- Moving away

- Changing my name

- Dying my hair black/brown

- Closing my shop/getting a 'normal' job

- Deleting everything I could of me from the internet

Who would recognise me? No one. It was strangely comforting.

Then I remembered a promise that I made to myself as a child. Few people know that I NEVER make promises. Every promise can be broken. "Promise to meet me tomorrow?" "Yes" *Gets stabbed to death* - promise broken. I only ever say something if I truly mean it.

However, there was one exception. I remember clearly a conversation I had with myself as a child. Even as a child, I was strange. I've always been my only friend. I've always been called weird.

I was observing how adults were. They were never happy. Always serious. Work, pay bills, watch TV, sleep. I made a promise with myself to never grow up. I think I was about 6 years old, maybe 7. I've kept this promise, and intend to keep it forever.

So, after remembering this, I thought:

'SCREW EVERYONE!'

People have been breaking me down so much that I almost abandoned my soul, and my promise to myself. If they think I'm weird now, they haven't seen anything! I'll show them weird!

I've always liked blue/silver skin, but I only wear in for fancy dress occasions. FUCK THAT. I will wear blue skin whenever I want to. 

I have always loved medieval clothes, but never made any - when would I ever wear them? FUCK THAT. I will wear whatever I want to. 

You think I should cut my hair? FUCK THAT. As soon as I can afford to, I'm buying knee length extensions.

I love tiaras/etc. I don't wear them because.... well, it isn't acceptable. FUCK THAT. I will wear them if I want to.

I plan to go crazy. If 'society' wants me to die/kill me for being myself, then I will be my absolute true self, no holding back. What is the point of living, if you're not living for yourself? I'm going to hold on as long as I can, I'm sure society will end me eventually, but I will try my absolute best to not let it happen. All that matters is that I stay kind, genuine and true to myself. I urge you all to do the same. 

We need some sort of 'weirdo revolution'.

I sincerely hope you took the time to read this through. If you did, thank you.

<3

GGA's are on their way! Where have I been?!

Ah! I vanished for a while there! Sorry about that! By the way, this will be a long post!

About the this years GGA: 

They would have been uploaded months ago, but the laptop broke. I re-edited it all again, then the computer broke! So, I'm doing it all a third time! Also, a LOT of people didn't send in their videos when they said they would. Some of them didn't even give me a reason. I'm sure they're just busy, of course! Anyway, I don't have the time to chase them. I also don't have the time to edit it like crazy, so this years awards won't be anything spectacular, unfortunately! I'm working on a tight deadline here! I apologise to each and every one of you!

Anyway, where have I been? I think the last time I blogged it was about Halloween. Hm, since then much has happened. I can't tell you some of it yet though!

So, I tried to take a few photos for people wondering how I get my hair 'crimped/wavy'. This is how I do it:

I section my hair into four and braid it. You can't see the two braids at the back though. I do it when my hair is wet. Then when your hair is dry, take the braids out....

My hair was still wet though, so it didn't work that time!

Anyway, I always braid my hair right to the end.

I'm not sure why I look in pain here!:

Haha >_<

So yeah, I can't remember if I straightened it or if it went straight by itself, this was quite a while ago!:

Soo, yeah... other things I've been doing since I last blogged. Hm, let's see....

I dressed up a cow mask with a hat and glasses:

/\ This amused me greatly for a good length of time!

On Bonfire night (UK tradition) we attempted to go to a bonfire but we were stuck in traffic (traffic in the countryside?!) for over an hour. People got out of their cars to watch the fireworks. By the time the traffic had gone, the fireworks had finished. so we ended up just going to our local pub. =/

It sucks though, all the traffic was caused by one car. They had parked like an idiot! They were probably just wanting to go and see the fireworks and parked as close as possible. Thanks to their selfishness, 100's of people had their bonfire night ruined. No one could turn around and leave  because the country road was too small.

I tried out that gyaru camera app too:

It's really good!

Amethyst got some new hoodies for winter! A giraffe one:

And a bunny one:

She really doesn't like the bunny one!:

When Neton came home she ran upstairs really fast, as soon as she heard the door open! I tried to call her down, so he could see her in her cute little bunny outfit, but she just meowed pathetically! She always comes when called, so I knew she was embarrassed. I went to the bottom of the stairs and saw her sat on the top step, looking nervous! I had to go and get her! Haha >_< I've never known a cat to be embarrassed before!

Neton got me a princess advent calendar!

One day, when Neton was out, I got drunk and painted the fan. By the time he came home I had forgotten about it. We went upstairs and we were both like 'wtf happened to the fan?'. After a moment, I was like 'oooohhhh........' haha >_<

The colours are supposed to blend together like in the photo. However, in real life, it's just a blur. =/

Left: Slow speed          Middle: Medium speed          speed Right: Fast speed

I drink green tea often, but I hate to drink tea from bags. Most (if not all) tea bags are filled with the dust that's left over after producing the tea. It's literally the stuff they sweep off the factory floor. So, I bought some real tea and a strainer:

It's good quality too! It's infused with something else.... I think it's jasmine, I can't remember.

After Halloween, I tried making the pumpkin soup from 'Zelda: Twilight Princess'! 

Without the fish, of course!

In the game, the soup bubbled thickly, so I was happy when the soup I was making bubbled like that too!

We went to a pub quiz, and were shocked at how polite the quiz was:

It says 'please' 3 times in one sentence! Haha >_<

One night, when I was really drunk, we went to Asda. I was laughing hysterically at two things. 

The first was this:

I thought it said 'ghost cheese' haha >_< 

The second thing was this:

A sign saying condiments. I read it as 'condom ants'. I was really laughing and saying it's like the saying 'you have ants in your pants' but worse, 'you have ants in your condom'! >_<

I tried to curl my hair (why do I bother?), I curled it with a hot curler, pinned it, sprayed it with hairspray:

Then, I even put a scarf over it to hold it in place for about 2 hours.

When I took it out, my hair was flat:

If anyone can tell me how to make my hair stay curled, please do!

One day, I wore my 'My Little Pony' nails, but I put them on the wrong hands!:

So, it said 'ynop' haha >_<

I went on a makeover website, just before Halloween. They had fancy dress! It was so cool! The first two are my favourite!:

This photo loaded white eyelashes after I has saved it! I think I prefer it without though!:

We went for a walk in the fog, sometime in October. Our area looks so cool when it's foggy!

Neton always pushes my head back with his head when we take photos together! I don't get it!:

Luna looking lovingly at me!:

She's such a little cutie!:

Here is a slideshow of drunk photos from these days:

Ah, wow! What a long blog post! I wonder if any of you actually read all of that! I hope so!  Until next time! <3